My word of 2019 was discovery and I wrote a post about it that you can find here. When I started the year and wrote that post I was focused on discovering a new world of being a mom and balancing it all. Even though I was somewhat nervous, I had a sense of hope and excitement of the unknown but I am ending the year on a different note. 2019 was one of the most difficult years I can remember. Yes, I discovered things but not in the way I had wanted. I discovered deep loss (of people and purpose). I discovered depths of depression I had never known. Sadness and challenges and anxiety and confusion. I don’t feel like I discovered what I wanted to and I didn’t find joy in the every day growth (or that I even had a lot of growth) and in the unearthing of this next chapter of my life. Although I know how extremely blessed I am, I have plenty of personal struggles and some days I just felt like I was simply surviving.
Of course, despite the above, it definitely wasn’t all bad. I discovered new places to live and visit, watched my baby turn into a small human, celebrated loved ones getting married, and spent time great quality time with family and friends both near and far (simply to highlight a few things).
Yes, 2019 was full of highs and lows and overall was a tough year but I’m trying to think that the hardships will bring my closer to God and that surely all of it is for a greater purpose and not just to cause pain. I am ready for a new year and to say goodbye to this one so here’s to 2020. I don’t have deep thoughts on it but just pray that it will be better.
Happy New Year!